you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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