3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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