i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
