So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
