dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
