u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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