Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
