My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
