im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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