Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
