She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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