your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
