Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
