it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
