Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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