I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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