I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
