you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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