Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
