According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
