my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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