you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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