he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
