I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
