please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
