I bet he comes in French.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So much rum. So many feels.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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