we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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