Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
