I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
