My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
