I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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