this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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