he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
