No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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