I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
