All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
