Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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