Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
