sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
