He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize