i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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