dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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