I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
