Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
