MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
