you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
