elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
