I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
