we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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