so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
