Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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