Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
