They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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