The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
