You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
