So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
