yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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