I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
