I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
