I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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